The Constant Him

You've got your guitar and your shiny car
each and everything simply handed to as if you were a child.
I could mistake you for a new man on days like today
the way you carry your torso straighter and your smile sits higher on your face than yesterday.
The way you laugh a little longer and sing a little louder
Your talk is cheap today.
but sometimes,
when your your hair isn't tangled around your eyes and your heads not stuck in the sky
I see you.

I see the person i met so long ago
The boy with the weekly shirts and the sweetest eyes
We were two souls binding and on a journey to becoming one
Two people so beautifully drawn to one another
The mornings tasted sweeter and the nights felt warmer
and i see those times we danced to Frank in the kitchen
eyes locking into one anothers
and we whispered of love
You sang to me on those nights, the blissful ones and the unkind too
those i miss more than anything

The nights I dreamt of his empty eyes and his sinful hands
And I awoke to you with my mind astray and eyes fixed on something in the distance
I lay there shaking with dripping eyes
and you held me
Kissing my forehead and pulling me into your chest
My body intertwined in yours
You grabbed my clenched fists and held them in yours
Until I feel asleep once again
And you swore it would be okay.
I could hear the stutter in you voice
and I often wonder
What it felt like to fall in love with such a disoriented thing
I know you saw the dead in my eyes
Felt the endless fog in my body that kept me cold.

and those days evaporated
As did your love for me

you were the boy wearing his heart on his sleeve and i was quick to cover it and keep it for myself.
And today i realized
It would've been selfish of me to keep it any longer