Trigger Happy

Here we are again.

You're haunting my dreams and consuming my every thought.

And to be honest, its ripping me to shreds.

You're the man trapped in walls of my aching mind, screaming my name and making sure sleep keeps her distance

So I lay in bed cupping my hands over my ears hoping that if I drown out the sound of your scraping nails and screeching yells

It will drown out the replay of bad memories

I want to know what it felt like.

Knowing you were going to die

Was this all part of your sick fucking plan?

I want to know

Did your hand shake when you brought the gun up to your face?

did you know at that point in time that you were going to have the balls to pull the trigger

what did it feel like to hold that gun in your mouth

to know that the last taste you would ever enjoy

would be the pinch of metal from a bullet.

Hell,i ll bet you smiled

a slight smirk of joy

knowing it would all be over the minute you pulled your finger just a bit further

and you finally got your revenge on us

and maybe you thought of me

but i doubt it

I'm sure you didn't think at all

and yet all these things, all these questions drive me to pure insanity.

The Constant Him

You've got your guitar and your shiny car
each and everything simply handed to as if you were a child.
I could mistake you for a new man on days like today
the way you carry your torso straighter and your smile sits higher on your face than yesterday.
The way you laugh a little longer and sing a little louder
Your talk is cheap today.
but sometimes,
when your your hair isn't tangled around your eyes and your heads not stuck in the sky
I see you.

I see the person i met so long ago
The boy with the weekly shirts and the sweetest eyes
We were two souls binding and on a journey to becoming one
Two people so beautifully drawn to one another
The mornings tasted sweeter and the nights felt warmer
and i see those times we danced to Frank in the kitchen
eyes locking into one anothers
and we whispered of love
You sang to me on those nights, the blissful ones and the unkind too
those i miss more than anything

The nights I dreamt of his empty eyes and his sinful hands
And I awoke to you with my mind astray and eyes fixed on something in the distance
I lay there shaking with dripping eyes
and you held me
Kissing my forehead and pulling me into your chest
My body intertwined in yours
You grabbed my clenched fists and held them in yours
Until I feel asleep once again
And you swore it would be okay.
I could hear the stutter in you voice
and I often wonder
What it felt like to fall in love with such a disoriented thing
I know you saw the dead in my eyes
Felt the endless fog in my body that kept me cold.

and those days evaporated
As did your love for me

you were the boy wearing his heart on his sleeve and i was quick to cover it and keep it for myself.
And today i realized
It would've been selfish of me to keep it any longer

They Drank To Keep Warm

It was cold that night.
We looked to the moon with our salted eyes and swore at you.
Our voices, simply a mere whisper to your ears.
We screamed your name to the sky a thousand times hoping maybe once you'd answer.
We all knew you wouldn't.
You couldn't.
You were lost somewhere among the clouds, walking the horizon, and dancing with the angels.
This picture replaying in our minds kept us sane.
It wasn't long after that the alcohol blurred this perfect canvas.

Sadness dripped from their intoxicated tongues and I heard their screams carried by the wind.
I knelt down to the earth and cried.
The stars singing to me as I wept.
I lay there for days not knowing time had passed or that time had existed to begin with.

You left me there kneeling on that patch of grass.
Watching the droplets of salt trickle down my cheeks.
That morning the sun never rose or smiled down at me, but instead
God cried with me.
Oh how that June left us bare.